English 172
First Submission
The Request
A request for email instruction from James, a(n) Undergraduate student who is writing a paper of 4-5 pages for English 172 due 5/9/2012.
The assignment is:
How do Native American authors use metaphor (in conjunction with other literary devices) to signal important turning points in an author’s or character’s life? Write a four- to five- page essay to answer this question. Defend your argument with analysis from two texts discussed since your last essay was due.
My major concerns about this paper are:
I am most concerned about how to wrap my paper up in a good conclusion.
The parts of my draft I think are working best and the ideas I find interesting are:
I think the examples and my analysis are working best. The idea of interpreting specific metaphors is the most exciting part of my draft.
Instructor Response
Hi James,
Thanks for sending your paper to the Online Writing Center! My name is Christa, and I’ll be working with you via email on this draft. I’ve made two types of comments on your draft: (1) overall comments in a general note and (2) more specific comments inserted into the text of your draft (these should be easy to find because I’ve enclosed them in square brackets and bolded them). I suggest that you read the overall comments first because they help contextualize the inserted comments. Then print out this message and refer to it as you make your revisions.
Just as in our face-to-face meetings in the Writing Center, the time we have is finite, and there are always many different levels of feedback that could be offered. The comments I’m sending you represent my best effort, given the time constraints of Online Writing Center work, to show you what your next steps might be. I hope they are useful!
Overall Comments
This is a terrific foundation, James! You have several moments of brilliance in your analysis of textual evidence; I can tell you have a clear understanding of how metaphors work! To make your analytical statements even more clear, I would encourage you to explicitly state what each metaphor is and what it represents (for instance, "The metaphor of the apple represents..."). For each body paragraph, I would also encourage you to create debatable sub-claims instead topic sentences that are mere statements of fact. In my sections of English 172, I teach sub-claims as "topic sentences on steroids." That is, they make an interesting argument that is unique to you as an individual reader. Ideally, one of your classmates should be able to disagree with your sub-claims (as well as your thesis statement).
To address your concern about your conclusion, I would encourage you to think in more specific terms about how these authors/characters change over time for better or for worse due to the turning points that they experience. If the turning points are "local" moments in their lives, what do they all add up to in a "global" sense? If you think in terms of character development, how do these authors/characters develop, evolve, progress, or deteriorate over time? I would encourage you to address these questions in both your introduction and conclusion.
Best of luck with your revisions, James! If you would like more feedback on another draft, we're here for you! Since I teach this course, if you would like more feedback from me in particular, I am back online on Sundays.
The Online Writing Center is conducting student evaluations right now to ensure that we are meeting your writing needs. You will receive a link to a brief online survey within 24 hours; please take a few minutes to fill it out. These brief surveys provide us with important information about our performance, and we greatly value your feedback. Thanks so much for doing this for us!
Christa Tiernan
Writing Center Instructor
PhD Candidate in English Literature
University of Wisconsin-Madison
www.writing.wisc.edu
Thanks for sending your paper to the Online Writing Center! My name is Christa, and I’ll be working with you via email on this draft. I’ve made two types of comments on your draft: (1) overall comments in a general note and (2) more specific comments inserted into the text of your draft (these should be easy to find because I’ve enclosed them in square brackets and bolded them). I suggest that you read the overall comments first because they help contextualize the inserted comments. Then print out this message and refer to it as you make your revisions.
Just as in our face-to-face meetings in the Writing Center, the time we have is finite, and there are always many different levels of feedback that could be offered. The comments I’m sending you represent my best effort, given the time constraints of Online Writing Center work, to show you what your next steps might be. I hope they are useful!
Overall Comments
This is a terrific foundation, James! You have several moments of brilliance in your analysis of textual evidence; I can tell you have a clear understanding of how metaphors work! To make your analytical statements even more clear, I would encourage you to explicitly state what each metaphor is and what it represents (for instance, "The metaphor of the apple represents..."). For each body paragraph, I would also encourage you to create debatable sub-claims instead topic sentences that are mere statements of fact. In my sections of English 172, I teach sub-claims as "topic sentences on steroids." That is, they make an interesting argument that is unique to you as an individual reader. Ideally, one of your classmates should be able to disagree with your sub-claims (as well as your thesis statement).
To address your concern about your conclusion, I would encourage you to think in more specific terms about how these authors/characters change over time for better or for worse due to the turning points that they experience. If the turning points are "local" moments in their lives, what do they all add up to in a "global" sense? If you think in terms of character development, how do these authors/characters develop, evolve, progress, or deteriorate over time? I would encourage you to address these questions in both your introduction and conclusion.
Best of luck with your revisions, James! If you would like more feedback on another draft, we're here for you! Since I teach this course, if you would like more feedback from me in particular, I am back online on Sundays.
The Online Writing Center is conducting student evaluations right now to ensure that we are meeting your writing needs. You will receive a link to a brief online survey within 24 hours; please take a few minutes to fill it out. These brief surveys provide us with important information about our performance, and we greatly value your feedback. Thanks so much for doing this for us!
Christa Tiernan
Writing Center Instructor
PhD Candidate in English Literature
University of Wisconsin-Madison
www.writing.wisc.edu
The Draft
My draft: Metaphors in Native American Literature
The use of metaphors in writing has a vast importance in portraying a deeper meaning than first appears with the traditional use of a word. Literary devices are utilized to provoke a reader to reflect upon what the author is trying to convey and the multiple interpretations that can come from the use of a single metaphor. In Native American literature this becomes a means to relate events in their life to the reader, who is likely to be removed from the same kind of experiences of the time that the author is writing about. I will begin by deciphering the metaphors used by Zitkala-Sa in “The School Days of an Indian Girl” as she recalls her journey of going off to school and changing mentally and emotionally [Good specificity here!] as a result of the education and experiences she has in this strange place away from home. [What kind of metaphors does she use to signal these internal changes?] Not all of the Native children who left their home were determined to stay at the boarding schools. [I would encourage you to explain the boarding school process before you get to this point. Perhaps omit the opening lines on metaphor and provide historical background instead?] This longing for escape is exemplified in the poem “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” by Louise Erdrich. In this poem metaphors [Again, what kind of metaphors? Try to be as specific as possible.] are used to link the modern world with the route for the Native children to get back home. Understanding why Native American authors use metaphors and other literary devices to signal important turning points in an author’s or character’s life is crucial because it is a gateway to the author’s mind [Interesting choice of metaphorical language!], which can reveal information that is key to the time period and event that they are describing through their word choice. This is important for us to be aware of because our past is essential to learn form. [In your thesis statement, be sure to indicate why it is important to read these two texts in particular in tandem. What can we learn from two texts that we can't learn from one? In addition, I would encourage you to create a stronger link between the two texts in your introduction. Why did you choose these two texts in particular? How is their use of metaphor similar or different?]
Throughout Zitkala-Sa’s “The School Days of an Indian Girl”, she develops multiple literary devices to describe the turning points in her life as she progresses through Carlisle boarding school. [This topic sentence is a bit vague. Try to construct a debatable sub-claim rather than a mere statement of fact.] The first image encountered when reading this autobiography occurs when she is enticed by her friend’s stories of plentiful red apples in the East at the school. Then after she leaves her home and mother to go with the white men she realizes that this “land of red apples” that she dreamt of is not so sweet (614). [Why not?] I see [Does your TA encourage you to use the pronoun "I"? Your analysis would sound much more forceful if you omitted it. It's also unnecessary because the "I" is always implied in every sentence you write.] the red apples in this instance as representing promises made by white men. She says that on t he reservation she has only had a few red apples and she is seeking to find more when she goes to school. However, once she arrives at Carlisle she grasps the true meaning that the grass is not any greener on the other side, just as in this case, there are not any more sweet red apples in the East than back on the reservation. This is the change in her life that comes after she is disappointed that away from home is not any better (in fact it’s worse) than on the reservation because she is without her family. From this part of Zitkala-Sa’s life I gleaned that our perceptions of what other people have is not always so great because these things often come at the cost of something that we treasure in our life.
The second literary device [Which literary device are you talking about? Try to be as specific as possible.] occurs when Zitkala-Sa receives a punishment in the form of mashing turnips for a school meal. She becomes so enraged at the injustice of the white people running the school that she takes her anger out on the turnips until she breaks the bottom of the jar so that when they are picked up by the lady would gave her the punishment the turnips fell to the ground (616). After this episode she feels a sense of revenge against the injustice of the rules at the boarding school. I imagined that the turnips represented the demands of the whites in the boarding school and possibly the kind of tactics that they were using to assimilate the Native children. So when she was able to defy this power she proved a sense of determination to survive and defend what she believes. The significance of this event rests in the heart of Zitkala-Sa at this moment, she is resilient and that is what has allowed the Native culture to come back as it has in recent years, enabling Native Americans to express themselves and their culture freely.
The third important event in Zitkala-Sa’s childhood at school in the East was expressed in the form of a metaphor. [What is the metaphor? Again, I would encourage you to aim for specificity, especially in topic sentences.] When she returned to school for a second year she took magic roots with her that guaranteed that she would find friends wherever she went (618). She faithfully wore this luck charm through school and before she “lost [her] faith in the dead roots, [she] lost the little buckskin bag containing all [her] good luck (618).” These “dead roots” embodied not her culture and family ties, all of which have been strained by being so far from home. This point is crucial to understand because despite her prior acts of defiance she has been broken down to the point that she is losing these essential bonds with her clan and culture. Assimilation was what the Europeans tried to achieve and Zitkala-Sa experienced the first phase in this pro cess, being broken down and stripped of her Native bonds. To further obscure the effectiveness of assimilating Natives through schooling, she remained friendless in spite of her declining sense of culture. In broader perspective the goals of Europeans were not completely successful in this sense because while they managed to change the Natives they were not accepted by the rest of the population.
The final literary device used in Zitkala-Sa’s recollection is thought provoking imagery [This is very interesting! What kind of imagery are you talking about?]. When she advanced to a state-wide oratorical contest she encountered extreme racism. The most striking of which was a white flag with a crude Indian girl drawn on it. As the results of the contest were being read off the flag was thrown in the air and when it finally fell to the ground she felt a great triumph over this racism (619). With the defeat of this flag which exemplified racism, Zitkala-Sa at last had a victory over these cruel acts of the white students. Personified by the death of this racism she overcame the racism that held her back before and this opened her up to go forward in bold ways to eventually challenge the ways the whites were schooling Native children. The life changing experience from that day gave her a “little taste of victory [that] did not satisfy a hunger in [her] heart ( 619).” It is this kind of incentive that must be behind many of the Native Americans strife for equality even today.
I now move to analyze Erdrich’s work [This transition is a bit blunt, no? I would encourage you to construct a stronger transition between the two texts. Being more specific in your introduction about how these two texts are similar or different will enable you to do this. Think about why you chose these two texts in the first place.] in “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” where her word choice and use of literary devices develop a potent feeling of remorse [Good job being specific here!] for the Native children who tried to escape the boarding schools. The first example of a metaphor in Erdrich’s poem is at the beginning when she is describing the railroad and train that Native children sneak onto. The fourth line in the poem reads “the rails, old lacerations that we love (625).” From this metaphor the rails represent a painful memory in multiple aspects, first of which is of the expansion of Europeans into the West, secondly, trains are what ripped them from their homes and took them to the boarding schools. [Great double-point!] For Erdrich to refer to the rails as “loved” [Good job close reading the text! In a literature class, it's very important to pay attention to the minute details of language!] conveys that they are cherished by the children who are using them to escape because they serve as the means for them to return home and leave the mayhem of the boarding schools behind. This represents a turning point in the children’s lives because they reverse their opinion about the train’s usefulness [Excellent job being clear and explicit here! Use this sentence as a model for your other body paragraphs!] when they are able to take them back home where they long to be.
The second metaphor used in “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” is still in the first stanza, coming right after the last quote that I dissected. [Again, I would encourage you to create a debatable sub-claim rather than a mere statement of fact.] This quote is extremely moving in the way that it represents the painful and healing memory that the Native children have of the trains which transported them to and away from home. According to Erdrich, the runaway Natives found that “riding scars you can’t get lost. Home is the place they cross (625).” In this excerpt, “scars” reference the rails and train they ride. The children recognize the permanence of these modern marvels by calling them “scars” also showcasing that the previously mentioned “lacerations” have healed because for the moment the runaways appreciate these devices of the white men. As for the fact that the escapees “can’t get lost ” originates from the faith that they have in the train as long as it is taking them away from the boarding schools it will surely take them home. Once again the permanence of the “scars” almost creates a map [Terrific!] of where they have been and they are then able to follow it to find their way back home. Stating how the “scars” cross their home is significant because it serves as a bad memory when they have finally returned home and like a scar, it reminds us that the past cannot be forgotten, which has a profound effect on their view of home because the scar of train track goes thru their land. In comprehending the impact of these metaphors on the Native American’s history is pertinent because it holds the pain and deep memories that cannot be forgotten by their people, yet the government takes no responsibility to acknowledge this ugly past.
Both Zitkala-Sa and Louise Erdrich effectively employed literary devices [Such as? Be specific!] to denote key turning points in their life or character’s life. [OK, so how do these people's lives change overall? What do all these turning points add up to for each person?] Zitkala-Sa traced the alterations in her life as she went to boarding school and was exposed to the white culture left a permanent mark on her childhood. [Is this "permanent mark" a good thing or a bad thing? I would encourage you to think in more specific terms about how her life changed for the better or the worse.] Erdrich’s poem presented the other side of the boarding school scenario that drove children to escape home rather than endure the extreme changes that the whites tried to put them through. [OK, so how does this person change over time? What do the turning points in her text add up to?] Coding these events in meaningful word choice is critical because it represents the author and how they came to view their experiences and the experiences of their characters, all the while adding their own interpretation. Deciphering of these choice words is necessary to comprehending the time period and events from a Native’s perspective and how we can learn from the history of our country’s interactions with Native Americans which ultimately affects both cultures today.
Second Submission
The Request
A request for email instruction from James, a(n) Undergraduate student who is writing a paper of 5 pages for English 172 due 5/10/2012.
The assignment is:
How do Native American authors use metaphor (in conjunction with other literary devices) to signal important turning points in an author’s or character’s life? Write a four- to five-page essay to answer this question. Defend your argument with analysis from two texts discussed since your last essay was due.
My major concerns about this paper are:
Creating debatable sub-claims instead of topic sentences that are mere statements of fact. Also, my TA wants us to incorporate both the authors into each paragraph.
The parts of my draft I think are working best and the ideas I find interesting are:
My intro is working best because it lays a road map and good foundation for my essay. My interpretation of the metaphors is the most compelling part.
The assignment is:
How do Native American authors use metaphor (in conjunction with other literary devices) to signal important turning points in an author’s or character’s life? Write a four- to five-page essay to answer this question. Defend your argument with analysis from two texts discussed since your last essay was due.
My major concerns about this paper are:
Creating debatable sub-claims instead of topic sentences that are mere statements of fact. Also, my TA wants us to incorporate both the authors into each paragraph.
The parts of my draft I think are working best and the ideas I find interesting are:
My intro is working best because it lays a road map and good foundation for my essay. My interpretation of the metaphors is the most compelling part.
Instructor Response
Dear James,
Thanks for sending your paper to the Online Writing Center. My name is Sarah, and I’ll be working with you via email on this draft. I’ve made two types of comments on your draft: (1) overall comments that immediately follow here, and (2) more specific comments inserted into the text of your draft (these should be easy to find because I’ve left space around these and enclosed them in a double set of square brackets [[like this]]). I suggest that you read the overall comments first, as they help contextualize the inserted comments.
Just as in our face-to-face meetings in the Writing Center, the time we have is finite, and there are always many different levels of feedback that could be offered. The comments I’m sending you represent my best effort, given the time constraints of Online Writing Center work, to show what your next steps can be. I hope they are useful!
*****OVERALL COMMENTS*****
I think that you do a great job in this paper of really thinking through the metaphors and what they symbolize in the texts you're looking at. A lot of these are very complex metaphors, and especially in your paragraphs about the poem you do a great job of really thinking through the various nuances of the metaphors.
My main two comments have to do with your thesis and your organization. First, in terms of your thesis, I think that you could develop it a little bit more to really make a unique and deeper argument. In your introduction I definitely see how you're connecting the two works, but I think that you can say more about how metaphor is used in them. You say that the use of metaphor is different because of the different contexts, but that doesn't really tell me anything substantial. You also say that understanding the metaphors is important because they reveal information that is key to understanding the authors' perceptions, but that is something that we can take for granted in any literary text. What can you say about the metaphors themselves, and how they are specifically being used in these texts? I think it would be a good idea to look at all of the metaphors you discuss in this paper and really think about what they all have in common. What function do they have in the text itself (not just in terms of what the reader can gain from them)? For example, two of the metaphors you look at connect growing things (fruit/vegetables) to the bodies of Native Americans. Why is that significant? How does that kind of metaphor connect to the idea of a "laceration" or "scar" in the poem you examine? I think that there are really interesting connections there, but I don't see you discussing those connections in your paper.
My last comment above connects with some suggestions I have for your organization. You said that your TA wanted you to incorporate both texts into each paragraph. I've said the same thing to my students before when they were writing comparative papers, and for me the reason for saying that was because I wanted to make sure that my students weren't talking about each text in isolation, but rather were really thinking about what we gain when we look at the conversation that is happening between the two texts. Right now, you compare the two texts on a plot level (one shows us the bad things that happen in boarding schools, the other shows us children deciding to leave the boarding schools), but I don't see you comparing or connecting the specific metaphor use in each text. Instead of organizing your paragraphs so that you talk about the novel first and then the poem, I think it would be a good idea to think about the different sub-arguments that you want to make about how both authors use metaphor, and then organize your paragraphs around those sub arguments. Then, in one paragraph, you could talk about (for example) one metaphor from one text and one metaphor from the other, and then specifically compare them in order to support that sub-argument. That will take some significant rearranging, but I think that you have a lot of great material, so it's just a matter of thinking through the implications of your analysis and then rearranging what you have accordingly.
I hope that those comments are helpful - you have the start of a really great and interesting paper here. I wish you the best of luck with your revisions!
All the best,
Sarah Groeneveld
UW Madison Writing Center Instructor
Thanks for sending your paper to the Online Writing Center. My name is Sarah, and I’ll be working with you via email on this draft. I’ve made two types of comments on your draft: (1) overall comments that immediately follow here, and (2) more specific comments inserted into the text of your draft (these should be easy to find because I’ve left space around these and enclosed them in a double set of square brackets [[like this]]). I suggest that you read the overall comments first, as they help contextualize the inserted comments.
Just as in our face-to-face meetings in the Writing Center, the time we have is finite, and there are always many different levels of feedback that could be offered. The comments I’m sending you represent my best effort, given the time constraints of Online Writing Center work, to show what your next steps can be. I hope they are useful!
*****OVERALL COMMENTS*****
I think that you do a great job in this paper of really thinking through the metaphors and what they symbolize in the texts you're looking at. A lot of these are very complex metaphors, and especially in your paragraphs about the poem you do a great job of really thinking through the various nuances of the metaphors.
My main two comments have to do with your thesis and your organization. First, in terms of your thesis, I think that you could develop it a little bit more to really make a unique and deeper argument. In your introduction I definitely see how you're connecting the two works, but I think that you can say more about how metaphor is used in them. You say that the use of metaphor is different because of the different contexts, but that doesn't really tell me anything substantial. You also say that understanding the metaphors is important because they reveal information that is key to understanding the authors' perceptions, but that is something that we can take for granted in any literary text. What can you say about the metaphors themselves, and how they are specifically being used in these texts? I think it would be a good idea to look at all of the metaphors you discuss in this paper and really think about what they all have in common. What function do they have in the text itself (not just in terms of what the reader can gain from them)? For example, two of the metaphors you look at connect growing things (fruit/vegetables) to the bodies of Native Americans. Why is that significant? How does that kind of metaphor connect to the idea of a "laceration" or "scar" in the poem you examine? I think that there are really interesting connections there, but I don't see you discussing those connections in your paper.
My last comment above connects with some suggestions I have for your organization. You said that your TA wanted you to incorporate both texts into each paragraph. I've said the same thing to my students before when they were writing comparative papers, and for me the reason for saying that was because I wanted to make sure that my students weren't talking about each text in isolation, but rather were really thinking about what we gain when we look at the conversation that is happening between the two texts. Right now, you compare the two texts on a plot level (one shows us the bad things that happen in boarding schools, the other shows us children deciding to leave the boarding schools), but I don't see you comparing or connecting the specific metaphor use in each text. Instead of organizing your paragraphs so that you talk about the novel first and then the poem, I think it would be a good idea to think about the different sub-arguments that you want to make about how both authors use metaphor, and then organize your paragraphs around those sub arguments. Then, in one paragraph, you could talk about (for example) one metaphor from one text and one metaphor from the other, and then specifically compare them in order to support that sub-argument. That will take some significant rearranging, but I think that you have a lot of great material, so it's just a matter of thinking through the implications of your analysis and then rearranging what you have accordingly.
I hope that those comments are helpful - you have the start of a really great and interesting paper here. I wish you the best of luck with your revisions!
All the best,
Sarah Groeneveld
UW Madison Writing Center Instructor
The Draft
Metaphors in Native American Literature: Boarding Schools
Boarding schools served as a way for Europeans to separate Native children from their family and culture in order to westernize them by deterring the use of their native language and extinguishing any part of their culture [[Can you add a time period for when this was the case? Eg, "In the XXth century, boarding schools served..."]] . [[Can you add a smoother transition between these two sentences?]] In Native American literature, literary devices are used to relate events in their life to the reader, who is likely to be distant from the kind of experiences from the time that the author is writing about. I will begin by deciphering the literary devices used by Zitkala-Sa in “The School Days of an Indian Girl” as she recalls her journey of going off to school and changing mentally and emotionally as a result of the education and experiences she encounters in this strange place away from home. Not all of the Native children who left their home were determined to stay at the boarding schools. This longing for escape is exemplified in the poem “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” by Louise Erdrich. In this poem metaphors are used to link the modern world with the route for the Native children to get back home. These two works complement each other since Zitkala-Sa proves how harsh the boarding schools were, which gives insight for the reasons children escape in Erdirch’s poem. Also, Erdirch tells of the hurt that the move away from home created, which is essential to understand Zitkala-Sa’s story. These authors’ use of metaphor is contrasting because of the context [[in which]] each is used. Decoding Native American author’s metaphors and other literary devices that signal important turning points in an author’s or character’s life is crucial because it is a gateway to the author’s mind, which reveals information that is key to the readers’ interpretation of the author’s perception about the time period and event that they are illuminating with their word choice. [[See note on thesis statement above.]]
Throughout Zitkala-Sa’s “The School Days of an Indian Girl”, she develops multiple literary devices to describe the turning points in her life as she progresses through Carlisle boarding school. The first image encountered when reading this autobiography occurs when she is enticed by her friend’s stories of plentiful red apples in the East at the school. Then after she leaves her home and mother to go with the white men she realizes that this “land of red apples” that she dreamt of is not so sweet (614). The metaphor “red apples” is representative of how Europeans wished to westernize Native Americans into civilized people because they have red skin but try to make them act and speak like whites, resembling the white on the inside of an apple [[I definitely see what the metaphor is that is being used, but not really how it is functioning - when the "land of red apples" turns out to not be sweet, how does that complicate or add another layer to the metaphor?]]. Using Erdirch’s insight to interpret this passage gives the reader a sense of the kind of pain this assimilation process created [[How so?]]. From this part of Zitkala-Sa’s life it is evident that perceptions are dependent upon the context that the information is presented to us [[Can you state why this is the case? I think there's a connection missing here, and I'm not completely sure what "information" you're talking about - do you mean the apple metaphor?]] and this allows for the reader to understand the deeper meaning [[what deeper meaning would that be?]] that the Europeans had in their word choice [[which word choice?]].
The second literary device Zitkala-Sa uses is imagery [[I think you're still talking about metaphors here, not imagery - It might be best to stick to metaphors as the literary device you examine, since that is what the prompt is asking.]] when she receives a punishment in the form of mashing turnips for a school meal. She becomes so enraged at the injustice of the white people running the school that she takes her anger out on the turnips until she breaks the bottom of the jar so that when they are picked up by the lady would gave her the punishment the turnips fell to the ground [[the grammar here is confusing to me, I think because the verb tenses are inconsistent]] (616). After this episode she feels a sense of revenge against the injustice of the rules at the boarding school. Turnips are symbolic of westernized Indians because like turnips the tops are red and the bottoms and inside are white. The European’s goal of keeping as little of the “red man” exposed by using assimilation could be seen as the “mashing” that Zitkala-Sa is doing [[I think what you're trying to say here is that when she mashes the turnips she is showing resistance to this European goal]]. When she was able to defy this power she demonstrated a sense of determination to survive and defend what she believes. The significance of this event rests in the heart of Zitkala-Sa at this moment, she is resilient and resilience is what has allowed the Native American culture to persevere through hardships. Erdirch’s poem deepens the comprehension of such hardship created from their loss culture [[How so? I feel like this sentence is just in there because you feel it needs to be - I'm not really seeing the actual connection]]. Interpretation of the words Zitkala-Sa uses in this situation [[which words? You haven't quoted anything from the text, so I'm not sure what you mean here]] alters how this seemingly small punishment has a greater implication to her than meets the eye.
The third important event in Zitkala-Sa’s childhood at school was expressed in the form of a metaphor about roots [[I'm not sure how an event can be expressed in a metaphor - is there a different word than "expressed" that you can use?]]. When she returned to school for a second year she took magic roots with her that guaranteed that she would find friends wherever she went (618). She faithfully wore this luck charm through school and before she “lost [her] faith in the dead roots, [she] lost the little buckskin bag containing all [her] good luck (618).” These “dead roots” embodied her culture and family ties, all of which have been strained by being so far from home [[can you explicitly state what the metaphor here is, as you've done so well in the paragraphs above?]]. This point is crucial to understand because despite her prior acts of defiance she has been broken down to the point that she is losing these essential bonds with her clan and culture [[Great - I like this a lot, and it's expressed very clearly]]. Assimilation was what the Europeans tried to achieve and Zitkala-Sa experienced the first phase in this process, being broken down and stripped of her Native bonds. To further obscure [[I'm not sure why you used the word "obscure" here]] the effectiveness of assimilating Natives through schooling, she remained friendless in spite of her declining sense of culture. This feeling of drained culture and assimilation is accented in “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” where the children use the European’s invention of trains to return home [[See my comment in the previous paragraph about the way that you're including Erdrich into these paragraphs]]. Interpretation of these assimilation metaphors creates a perception of the diminished spirit of the Native Americans who went through the boarding school experience.
In light of the hardships that changed Zitkala-Sa not all children endured this treatment, instead they fled the boarding schools to return home. This different set of experiences leads to the analysis of Erdrich’s work, “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways”, where her word choice and use of literary devices are different from those of Zitkala-Sa because she develops a potent feeling of remorse for the Native children who tried to escape the boarding schools. The first example of a metaphor in Erdrich’s poem is at the beginning when she is describing the railroad and train that Native children sneak onto. The fourth line in the poem reads “the rails, old lacerations that we love (625).” From this metaphor the rails represent a painful memory in multiple aspects, first of which is of the expansion of Europeans into the West, secondly, trains are what ripped them from their homes and took them to the boarding schools. For Erdrich to refer to the rails as “loved” conveys that they are cherished by the children who are using them to escape because they serve as the means for them to return home and leave the mayhem of the boarding schools behind. This represents a turning point in the children’s lives because they reverse their opinion about the train’s usefulness when they are able to take them back home where they long to be. These specific metaphors enable an interpretation of revised perception that the children underwent over the course of their escape. [[I think this a great analysis - my one question would be how you are reading the word "lacerations," which means wound - isn't it a strange thing to love a wound?]]
The second metaphor used in “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” is extremely moving in the way that it represents the painful and healing memory that the Native children have of the trains which removed them from their homes. According to Erdrich, the runaway Natives found that “riding scars you can’t get lost. Home is the place they cross (625).” In this excerpt, “scars” reference the rails and train they ride. The children recognize the permanence of these modern marvels by calling them “scars” also showcasing that the previously mentioned “lacerations” have healed because for the moment the runaways appreciate these devices of the white men. As for the fact that the escapees “can’t get lost” originates from the faith that they have in the train as long as it is taking them away from the boarding schools it will surely take them home. Once again the permanence of the “scars” almost creates a map of where they have been and they are then able to follow it to find their way back home. Stating how the “scars” cross their home is significant because it serves as a bad memory when they have finally returned home and like a scar, it reminds us that the past cannot be forgotten, which has a profound effect on their view of home because the scar of train track goes thru their land. Comprehending the impact of these metaphors on the Native American’s history is pertinent because it holds the pain and deep memories that cannot be overlooked by their people, yet the government takes no responsibility to acknowledge its mistakes. [[I think this is a great paragraph]]
Zitkala-Sa and Louise Erdrich effectively employed imagery and metaphors to denote key turning points in their life or character’s life. Zitkala-Sa traced the alterations in her life as she went to boarding school and was exposed to the European influence which stymied her knowledge of her Native American heritage but enabled her to strive for equality. Erdrich’s poem presented the other side of the boarding school scenario that drove children to escape home rather than endure the extreme changes that the whites tried to put them through. For these children their view of trains began as negative then turned to positive when they were able to use them to get back home. Coding these events in meaningful word choice is critical because it represents the author and how they came to view their experiences and the experiences of their characters, all the while adding their own interpretation. Deciphering of these choice words is necessary to comprehending the time period and events from a Native’s perspective and how we can learn from the history of our country’s interactions with Native Americans which ultimately affects both cultures today.
Boarding schools served as a way for Europeans to separate Native children from their family and culture in order to westernize them by deterring the use of their native language and extinguishing any part of their culture [[Can you add a time period for when this was the case? Eg, "In the XXth century, boarding schools served..."]] . [[Can you add a smoother transition between these two sentences?]] In Native American literature, literary devices are used to relate events in their life to the reader, who is likely to be distant from the kind of experiences from the time that the author is writing about. I will begin by deciphering the literary devices used by Zitkala-Sa in “The School Days of an Indian Girl” as she recalls her journey of going off to school and changing mentally and emotionally as a result of the education and experiences she encounters in this strange place away from home. Not all of the Native children who left their home were determined to stay at the boarding schools. This longing for escape is exemplified in the poem “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” by Louise Erdrich. In this poem metaphors are used to link the modern world with the route for the Native children to get back home. These two works complement each other since Zitkala-Sa proves how harsh the boarding schools were, which gives insight for the reasons children escape in Erdirch’s poem. Also, Erdirch tells of the hurt that the move away from home created, which is essential to understand Zitkala-Sa’s story. These authors’ use of metaphor is contrasting because of the context [[in which]] each is used. Decoding Native American author’s metaphors and other literary devices that signal important turning points in an author’s or character’s life is crucial because it is a gateway to the author’s mind, which reveals information that is key to the readers’ interpretation of the author’s perception about the time period and event that they are illuminating with their word choice. [[See note on thesis statement above.]]
Throughout Zitkala-Sa’s “The School Days of an Indian Girl”, she develops multiple literary devices to describe the turning points in her life as she progresses through Carlisle boarding school. The first image encountered when reading this autobiography occurs when she is enticed by her friend’s stories of plentiful red apples in the East at the school. Then after she leaves her home and mother to go with the white men she realizes that this “land of red apples” that she dreamt of is not so sweet (614). The metaphor “red apples” is representative of how Europeans wished to westernize Native Americans into civilized people because they have red skin but try to make them act and speak like whites, resembling the white on the inside of an apple [[I definitely see what the metaphor is that is being used, but not really how it is functioning - when the "land of red apples" turns out to not be sweet, how does that complicate or add another layer to the metaphor?]]. Using Erdirch’s insight to interpret this passage gives the reader a sense of the kind of pain this assimilation process created [[How so?]]. From this part of Zitkala-Sa’s life it is evident that perceptions are dependent upon the context that the information is presented to us [[Can you state why this is the case? I think there's a connection missing here, and I'm not completely sure what "information" you're talking about - do you mean the apple metaphor?]] and this allows for the reader to understand the deeper meaning [[what deeper meaning would that be?]] that the Europeans had in their word choice [[which word choice?]].
The second literary device Zitkala-Sa uses is imagery [[I think you're still talking about metaphors here, not imagery - It might be best to stick to metaphors as the literary device you examine, since that is what the prompt is asking.]] when she receives a punishment in the form of mashing turnips for a school meal. She becomes so enraged at the injustice of the white people running the school that she takes her anger out on the turnips until she breaks the bottom of the jar so that when they are picked up by the lady would gave her the punishment the turnips fell to the ground [[the grammar here is confusing to me, I think because the verb tenses are inconsistent]] (616). After this episode she feels a sense of revenge against the injustice of the rules at the boarding school. Turnips are symbolic of westernized Indians because like turnips the tops are red and the bottoms and inside are white. The European’s goal of keeping as little of the “red man” exposed by using assimilation could be seen as the “mashing” that Zitkala-Sa is doing [[I think what you're trying to say here is that when she mashes the turnips she is showing resistance to this European goal]]. When she was able to defy this power she demonstrated a sense of determination to survive and defend what she believes. The significance of this event rests in the heart of Zitkala-Sa at this moment, she is resilient and resilience is what has allowed the Native American culture to persevere through hardships. Erdirch’s poem deepens the comprehension of such hardship created from their loss culture [[How so? I feel like this sentence is just in there because you feel it needs to be - I'm not really seeing the actual connection]]. Interpretation of the words Zitkala-Sa uses in this situation [[which words? You haven't quoted anything from the text, so I'm not sure what you mean here]] alters how this seemingly small punishment has a greater implication to her than meets the eye.
The third important event in Zitkala-Sa’s childhood at school was expressed in the form of a metaphor about roots [[I'm not sure how an event can be expressed in a metaphor - is there a different word than "expressed" that you can use?]]. When she returned to school for a second year she took magic roots with her that guaranteed that she would find friends wherever she went (618). She faithfully wore this luck charm through school and before she “lost [her] faith in the dead roots, [she] lost the little buckskin bag containing all [her] good luck (618).” These “dead roots” embodied her culture and family ties, all of which have been strained by being so far from home [[can you explicitly state what the metaphor here is, as you've done so well in the paragraphs above?]]. This point is crucial to understand because despite her prior acts of defiance she has been broken down to the point that she is losing these essential bonds with her clan and culture [[Great - I like this a lot, and it's expressed very clearly]]. Assimilation was what the Europeans tried to achieve and Zitkala-Sa experienced the first phase in this process, being broken down and stripped of her Native bonds. To further obscure [[I'm not sure why you used the word "obscure" here]] the effectiveness of assimilating Natives through schooling, she remained friendless in spite of her declining sense of culture. This feeling of drained culture and assimilation is accented in “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” where the children use the European’s invention of trains to return home [[See my comment in the previous paragraph about the way that you're including Erdrich into these paragraphs]]. Interpretation of these assimilation metaphors creates a perception of the diminished spirit of the Native Americans who went through the boarding school experience.
In light of the hardships that changed Zitkala-Sa not all children endured this treatment, instead they fled the boarding schools to return home. This different set of experiences leads to the analysis of Erdrich’s work, “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways”, where her word choice and use of literary devices are different from those of Zitkala-Sa because she develops a potent feeling of remorse for the Native children who tried to escape the boarding schools. The first example of a metaphor in Erdrich’s poem is at the beginning when she is describing the railroad and train that Native children sneak onto. The fourth line in the poem reads “the rails, old lacerations that we love (625).” From this metaphor the rails represent a painful memory in multiple aspects, first of which is of the expansion of Europeans into the West, secondly, trains are what ripped them from their homes and took them to the boarding schools. For Erdrich to refer to the rails as “loved” conveys that they are cherished by the children who are using them to escape because they serve as the means for them to return home and leave the mayhem of the boarding schools behind. This represents a turning point in the children’s lives because they reverse their opinion about the train’s usefulness when they are able to take them back home where they long to be. These specific metaphors enable an interpretation of revised perception that the children underwent over the course of their escape. [[I think this a great analysis - my one question would be how you are reading the word "lacerations," which means wound - isn't it a strange thing to love a wound?]]
The second metaphor used in “Indian Boarding School: The Runaways” is extremely moving in the way that it represents the painful and healing memory that the Native children have of the trains which removed them from their homes. According to Erdrich, the runaway Natives found that “riding scars you can’t get lost. Home is the place they cross (625).” In this excerpt, “scars” reference the rails and train they ride. The children recognize the permanence of these modern marvels by calling them “scars” also showcasing that the previously mentioned “lacerations” have healed because for the moment the runaways appreciate these devices of the white men. As for the fact that the escapees “can’t get lost” originates from the faith that they have in the train as long as it is taking them away from the boarding schools it will surely take them home. Once again the permanence of the “scars” almost creates a map of where they have been and they are then able to follow it to find their way back home. Stating how the “scars” cross their home is significant because it serves as a bad memory when they have finally returned home and like a scar, it reminds us that the past cannot be forgotten, which has a profound effect on their view of home because the scar of train track goes thru their land. Comprehending the impact of these metaphors on the Native American’s history is pertinent because it holds the pain and deep memories that cannot be overlooked by their people, yet the government takes no responsibility to acknowledge its mistakes. [[I think this is a great paragraph]]
Zitkala-Sa and Louise Erdrich effectively employed imagery and metaphors to denote key turning points in their life or character’s life. Zitkala-Sa traced the alterations in her life as she went to boarding school and was exposed to the European influence which stymied her knowledge of her Native American heritage but enabled her to strive for equality. Erdrich’s poem presented the other side of the boarding school scenario that drove children to escape home rather than endure the extreme changes that the whites tried to put them through. For these children their view of trains began as negative then turned to positive when they were able to use them to get back home. Coding these events in meaningful word choice is critical because it represents the author and how they came to view their experiences and the experiences of their characters, all the while adding their own interpretation. Deciphering of these choice words is necessary to comprehending the time period and events from a Native’s perspective and how we can learn from the history of our country’s interactions with Native Americans which ultimately affects both cultures today.
Ed Psych 310
The Request
A request for email instruction from Brianne Christine Gohlke, [email protected], a(n) Undergraduate student who is writing a paper of 5-7 pages for Ed Psych 310 due May 10th.
The assignment is:
read a case study, use theories from class to provide a solution
My major concerns about this paper are:
correct references and citations, proper flow
The parts of my draft I think are working best and the ideas I find interesting are:
theory section
The assignment is:
read a case study, use theories from class to provide a solution
My major concerns about this paper are:
correct references and citations, proper flow
The parts of my draft I think are working best and the ideas I find interesting are:
theory section
Instructor Response
Dear Brianne,
Thanks for sending your paper to the Online Writing Center. My name is Sarah, and I’ll be working with you via email on this draft. I’ve made two types of comments on your draft: (1) overall comments that immediately follow here, and (2) more specific comments inserted into the text of your draft (these should
be easy to find because I’ve left space around these and enclosed them in a double set of square brackets [[like this]]). I suggest that you read the overall comments first, as they help contextualize the inserted comments.
Just as in our face-to-face meetings in the Writing Center, the time we have is finite, and there are always many different levels of feedback that could be offered. The comments I’m sending you represent my best effort, given the time constraints of Online Writing Center work, to show what your next steps can be. I hope they are useful!
*****OVERALL COMMENTS*****
I think that this is an excellent draft, Brianne. Your writing is very clear and organized, and I definitely felt that you were doing a great job of using the theories to provide a solution. It was a little difficult to be able to say if you were doing so sufficiently since I wasn't able to see the piece that explained the problems he was facing, but I still felt like I got a good sense of them through your theory section.
Your citations look well placed to me - the one thing I wasn't sure of was what citation format you're using - APA? MLA? MLA is the one that uses page numbers, but you would want to format the in-text citations a little differently, like this: (Schunk 92). Or maybe you're using something else that I'm not familiar with - I just think it would be a great thing to double check the citation style you need to use and then look up what the in-text citations look like for that style here: http://www.writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Documentation.html
You also asked about the overall flow of your paper. I definitely think that it is strong overall, but I'll make two comments that may help improve it even more. First, I felt that there was some repetition between your theory section and your solutions section, mostly because your theory section did include sentences which addressed how implementing the theory you're discussing would lead toward a solution. I don't think that's a bad thing at all, but it might be useful to look for specific ideas or sentences that are repeated in the two sections and decide where you think they would better belong.
My last suggestion would be to look over the paper as a whole and think about your topic sentences. Most of the time they were great, but there were some paragraphs that began with a statement of fact rather than an overall statement of the main focus of that paragraph. I've pointed out a few of these places below. The benefit to including stronger topic sentences is that you're then able to let your reader know why you are introducing a new theory or idea before you introduce it, which gives them a better sense of context and the overall importance of each paragraph.
I hope that helps - good luck with your revisions!
All the best,
Sarah Groeneveld
UW Madison Writing Center Instructor
Thanks for sending your paper to the Online Writing Center. My name is Sarah, and I’ll be working with you via email on this draft. I’ve made two types of comments on your draft: (1) overall comments that immediately follow here, and (2) more specific comments inserted into the text of your draft (these should
be easy to find because I’ve left space around these and enclosed them in a double set of square brackets [[like this]]). I suggest that you read the overall comments first, as they help contextualize the inserted comments.
Just as in our face-to-face meetings in the Writing Center, the time we have is finite, and there are always many different levels of feedback that could be offered. The comments I’m sending you represent my best effort, given the time constraints of Online Writing Center work, to show what your next steps can be. I hope they are useful!
*****OVERALL COMMENTS*****
I think that this is an excellent draft, Brianne. Your writing is very clear and organized, and I definitely felt that you were doing a great job of using the theories to provide a solution. It was a little difficult to be able to say if you were doing so sufficiently since I wasn't able to see the piece that explained the problems he was facing, but I still felt like I got a good sense of them through your theory section.
Your citations look well placed to me - the one thing I wasn't sure of was what citation format you're using - APA? MLA? MLA is the one that uses page numbers, but you would want to format the in-text citations a little differently, like this: (Schunk 92). Or maybe you're using something else that I'm not familiar with - I just think it would be a great thing to double check the citation style you need to use and then look up what the in-text citations look like for that style here: http://www.writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Documentation.html
You also asked about the overall flow of your paper. I definitely think that it is strong overall, but I'll make two comments that may help improve it even more. First, I felt that there was some repetition between your theory section and your solutions section, mostly because your theory section did include sentences which addressed how implementing the theory you're discussing would lead toward a solution. I don't think that's a bad thing at all, but it might be useful to look for specific ideas or sentences that are repeated in the two sections and decide where you think they would better belong.
My last suggestion would be to look over the paper as a whole and think about your topic sentences. Most of the time they were great, but there were some paragraphs that began with a statement of fact rather than an overall statement of the main focus of that paragraph. I've pointed out a few of these places below. The benefit to including stronger topic sentences is that you're then able to let your reader know why you are introducing a new theory or idea before you introduce it, which gives them a better sense of context and the overall importance of each paragraph.
I hope that helps - good luck with your revisions!
All the best,
Sarah Groeneveld
UW Madison Writing Center Instructor
The Draft
Theoretical Framework
One theory Mr. Little could study in order to increase achievement of excellent grades is Constructivism (Schunk, p. 261). This theory focuses on major concepts, and the curriculum is adapted to incorporate topics of emerging relevance and student interest. Students are allowed to work in a group, which facilitates peer collaboration, and the instructor can use reciprocal teaching to ensure that students thoroughly understand the topic. The teacher interacts with students to seek out questions and understand their point of view, and authentic assessment, such as observations and portfolios, is utilized in order to determine the level of learning. By incorporating a stronger constructivist approach, Mr. Little can tailor the curriculum to meet the specific wants and needs of the students in an effort to increase achievement and motivation.
Along with incorporating a constructivist approach, Mr. Little would benefit from studying the Behaviorist approach [[Maybe add something here about what the Behaviorist approach offers that the Constructivist doesn't - in other words, why do you feel both are necessary to address? That will also help provide a transition between these paragraphs]] . This theory focuses largely on reinforcers (Schunk, p. 90-91), which are reinforcing stimuli that lead to a stronger response. These rewards are situationally specific and defined by effect, which prevents instructors from determining them in advance. Positive Reinforcement (Schunk, p. 91) utilizes reinforcers by adding the stimulus after the desired response to increase the likelihood of a future desired response. This reward can be something as simple as verbal praise or even something materialistic, such as a prize. Negative Reinforcement (Schunk, p. 92), on the other hand, utilizes reinforcers by removing the stimulus after the desired response. Mr. Little is currently using negative reinforcement when he takes away homework after the students earn excellent grades on the test.
[[Maybe add a topic sentence here that first states the problem (that Mr. Little is using a continuous reinforcement schedule) and then states the solution. In fact, I think that the structure of problem-->solution would be a great one to make sure you have in each of these paragraphs.]] Various schedules of reinforcement (Schunk, p. 95-96) can be used to apply a stimulus; however, not all of these will have the same response rates. A continuous schedule reinforces each correct response while an intermittent schedule reinforces some but not all correct responses. A fixed interval schedule reinforces over a consistent time interval, where as a variable interval schedule reinforces over a time interval that varies around an average value. Finally, a fixed ratio schedule reinforces at every correct nth response, where n is constant, while a variable ratio schedule reinforces at every correct nth response, where n varies. The variable ratio schedule has proven to result in the greatest response rates; however, Mr. Little is currently using a continuous reinforcement schedule that is vulnerable to extinction.
Finally, it would be advantageous for Mr. Little to study Motivation Theory in order to more effectively promote learning and success in his classroom [[I think this topic sentence is great because it tells me why you are introducing the idea of Motivation Theory]]. There are two types of goal theory (Schunk, p. 376-377) included in motivation: mastery and performance. Mastery emphasizes understanding and future goals that focus on self improvement. This theory also promotes acquisition of knowledge, behavior, skills, and strategies for long term use and progression over time, and it encourages both self efficacy and self regulation. Performance, on the other hand, focuses on the task to be completed and emphasizes the end result. It also involves social comparison where learners place more value on doing better than their peers. Mr. Little is currently promoting performance goals, which lead to a fixed mind set and sense of helplessness.
[[I think a transition is needed here]] Beliefs about abilities (Schunk, p. 379) are described in terms of incremental theory, or growth mindset, and entity theory, or fixed mind set. Those with a growth mindset believe that intelligence is unstable, controllable, and constantly changes. Challenges increase self efficacy in these individuals, and mistakes increase their effort to do better and succeed. In order to facilitate the development of this mindset, instructors should emphasize effort instead of intelligence. On the other hand, those with a fixed mindset believe that intelligence is stable, uncontrollable, and fixed. Effort will help a person with this mindset reach their limit, but not surpass it, so learning will not increase ability. Difficulties decrease this persons effort and can often cause more damage. Overemphasizing intellect or talent can facilitate this mindset, and by doing this in his classroom, Mr. Littles students are less motivated to achieve excellent grades on their tests.
[[Transition needed here as well - this is probably another place to use the problem--solution structure]] Intrinsic motivation (Schunk, p. 386-390) is the desire to participate in an activity for no apparent reward, and this type of motivation has longer lasting benefits than extrinsic motivation. There are four sources of intrinsic motivation: challenge, curiosity, control, and fantasy. Extrinsic rewards can weaken intrinsic motivation and promote external motivation, where as intrinsic rewards can promote feelings of confidence, control self satisfaction, task success, and pride. By providing homework passes, Mr. Little is promoting extrinsic motivation, even though some students currently have intrinsic motivation to learn the curriculum.
Solution
By developing a constructivist learning environment, Mr. Little can not only adapt the curriculum to address student interest and make the information relevant, but also acknowledge their points of view. Instead of ignoring questions about how the information pertains to the lives of his students, Mr. Little should describe its importance with respect to the real world. Rather than developing rewards and assignments that he finds motivation [[motivating?]], Mr. Little should seek the opinions of students to ensure that they are motivated to learn. By having the students participate in peer collaboration and presentations, Mr. Little will be meeting the wants of his students while still facilitating learning. Overall, incorporating a constructivist teaching approach will better meet the wants of students, which will lead to a greater motivation to achieve excellent grades.
Mr. Little should also utilize an alternative schedule of reinforcement to increase student motivation and their success during assessment. Having a fixed ratio schedule allows students to predict when they will receive the reward, which leads to higher motivation when the reward is expected and lower motivation when the reward is not expected. As an alternative, Mr. Little could incorporate a variable ratio so that students are not aware of when the reward will be given. This schedule will ensure that students are motivated to continuously perform at a high level, which will promote greater achievement of excellent grades. [[This was one of the paragraphs that I thought was maybe a little repetitive.]]
By promoting a growth mind set and mastery focused goals, Mr. Little can help students develop a sense of intrinsic motivation and decrease reliance on rewards. To do this, Mr. Little should emphasize the importance of effort and understanding the information, rather than the importance for the test. For example, he could offer comments of positive praise, such as Great effort Rachel or Nice try on that problem Jesse. Youll get it next time if you keep working hard. As a result, students will be more motivated to learn the information, which in turn will result in the excellent grades Mr. Little desires.
Discussion
Developing a growth mind set in students will facilitate the transfer of effort and understanding to other experiences. By promoting mastery goals, students will develop a low road transfer that will allow them to automatize their retrieval of knowledge and use of skills. When students have mastery goals, they focus on the processes and strategies that allowed them to develop and improve their skills. These students are internally motivated to expend effort, persist, and move toward self-regulation that can be applicable in many situations (Schunk, p. 376). Therefore, emphasizing effort and learning will facilitate far transfer because students will be able to utilize this work ethic and mind set in situations much different than Mr. Littles classroom. Since intrinsic motivation has long lasting positive benefits (Schunk, p. 391), Mr. Little can not only facilitate the success of the students in his classroom, but also in their future endeavors.
As part of his constructivist classroom, Mr. Little should incorporate authentic assessment instead of traditional assessment in order to facilitate proper motivation. Although this assessment is more time consuming, it will benefit the learner by showing them how the material will be useful in the future. An informal approach, such as wandering the classroom during group discussion, is spontaneous and unstructured, which allows it to be used in a variety of situations. This approach also allows the instructor to observe first hand whether or not the student is motivated by and learning from the activity. Mr. Little has already incorporated a form of formative assessment by testing students each week; however, he could further develop this approach by using to evaluate the students motivation and interest in the curriculum. By providing feedback on each students progress throughout the semester, students will be able to make adjustments, which will foster the increase and internalization of motivation. [[I think your discussion section is great - it gives me a good sense of the big picture. Maybe just keep an eye out here for repetition as well.]]
One theory Mr. Little could study in order to increase achievement of excellent grades is Constructivism (Schunk, p. 261). This theory focuses on major concepts, and the curriculum is adapted to incorporate topics of emerging relevance and student interest. Students are allowed to work in a group, which facilitates peer collaboration, and the instructor can use reciprocal teaching to ensure that students thoroughly understand the topic. The teacher interacts with students to seek out questions and understand their point of view, and authentic assessment, such as observations and portfolios, is utilized in order to determine the level of learning. By incorporating a stronger constructivist approach, Mr. Little can tailor the curriculum to meet the specific wants and needs of the students in an effort to increase achievement and motivation.
Along with incorporating a constructivist approach, Mr. Little would benefit from studying the Behaviorist approach [[Maybe add something here about what the Behaviorist approach offers that the Constructivist doesn't - in other words, why do you feel both are necessary to address? That will also help provide a transition between these paragraphs]] . This theory focuses largely on reinforcers (Schunk, p. 90-91), which are reinforcing stimuli that lead to a stronger response. These rewards are situationally specific and defined by effect, which prevents instructors from determining them in advance. Positive Reinforcement (Schunk, p. 91) utilizes reinforcers by adding the stimulus after the desired response to increase the likelihood of a future desired response. This reward can be something as simple as verbal praise or even something materialistic, such as a prize. Negative Reinforcement (Schunk, p. 92), on the other hand, utilizes reinforcers by removing the stimulus after the desired response. Mr. Little is currently using negative reinforcement when he takes away homework after the students earn excellent grades on the test.
[[Maybe add a topic sentence here that first states the problem (that Mr. Little is using a continuous reinforcement schedule) and then states the solution. In fact, I think that the structure of problem-->solution would be a great one to make sure you have in each of these paragraphs.]] Various schedules of reinforcement (Schunk, p. 95-96) can be used to apply a stimulus; however, not all of these will have the same response rates. A continuous schedule reinforces each correct response while an intermittent schedule reinforces some but not all correct responses. A fixed interval schedule reinforces over a consistent time interval, where as a variable interval schedule reinforces over a time interval that varies around an average value. Finally, a fixed ratio schedule reinforces at every correct nth response, where n is constant, while a variable ratio schedule reinforces at every correct nth response, where n varies. The variable ratio schedule has proven to result in the greatest response rates; however, Mr. Little is currently using a continuous reinforcement schedule that is vulnerable to extinction.
Finally, it would be advantageous for Mr. Little to study Motivation Theory in order to more effectively promote learning and success in his classroom [[I think this topic sentence is great because it tells me why you are introducing the idea of Motivation Theory]]. There are two types of goal theory (Schunk, p. 376-377) included in motivation: mastery and performance. Mastery emphasizes understanding and future goals that focus on self improvement. This theory also promotes acquisition of knowledge, behavior, skills, and strategies for long term use and progression over time, and it encourages both self efficacy and self regulation. Performance, on the other hand, focuses on the task to be completed and emphasizes the end result. It also involves social comparison where learners place more value on doing better than their peers. Mr. Little is currently promoting performance goals, which lead to a fixed mind set and sense of helplessness.
[[I think a transition is needed here]] Beliefs about abilities (Schunk, p. 379) are described in terms of incremental theory, or growth mindset, and entity theory, or fixed mind set. Those with a growth mindset believe that intelligence is unstable, controllable, and constantly changes. Challenges increase self efficacy in these individuals, and mistakes increase their effort to do better and succeed. In order to facilitate the development of this mindset, instructors should emphasize effort instead of intelligence. On the other hand, those with a fixed mindset believe that intelligence is stable, uncontrollable, and fixed. Effort will help a person with this mindset reach their limit, but not surpass it, so learning will not increase ability. Difficulties decrease this persons effort and can often cause more damage. Overemphasizing intellect or talent can facilitate this mindset, and by doing this in his classroom, Mr. Littles students are less motivated to achieve excellent grades on their tests.
[[Transition needed here as well - this is probably another place to use the problem--solution structure]] Intrinsic motivation (Schunk, p. 386-390) is the desire to participate in an activity for no apparent reward, and this type of motivation has longer lasting benefits than extrinsic motivation. There are four sources of intrinsic motivation: challenge, curiosity, control, and fantasy. Extrinsic rewards can weaken intrinsic motivation and promote external motivation, where as intrinsic rewards can promote feelings of confidence, control self satisfaction, task success, and pride. By providing homework passes, Mr. Little is promoting extrinsic motivation, even though some students currently have intrinsic motivation to learn the curriculum.
Solution
By developing a constructivist learning environment, Mr. Little can not only adapt the curriculum to address student interest and make the information relevant, but also acknowledge their points of view. Instead of ignoring questions about how the information pertains to the lives of his students, Mr. Little should describe its importance with respect to the real world. Rather than developing rewards and assignments that he finds motivation [[motivating?]], Mr. Little should seek the opinions of students to ensure that they are motivated to learn. By having the students participate in peer collaboration and presentations, Mr. Little will be meeting the wants of his students while still facilitating learning. Overall, incorporating a constructivist teaching approach will better meet the wants of students, which will lead to a greater motivation to achieve excellent grades.
Mr. Little should also utilize an alternative schedule of reinforcement to increase student motivation and their success during assessment. Having a fixed ratio schedule allows students to predict when they will receive the reward, which leads to higher motivation when the reward is expected and lower motivation when the reward is not expected. As an alternative, Mr. Little could incorporate a variable ratio so that students are not aware of when the reward will be given. This schedule will ensure that students are motivated to continuously perform at a high level, which will promote greater achievement of excellent grades. [[This was one of the paragraphs that I thought was maybe a little repetitive.]]
By promoting a growth mind set and mastery focused goals, Mr. Little can help students develop a sense of intrinsic motivation and decrease reliance on rewards. To do this, Mr. Little should emphasize the importance of effort and understanding the information, rather than the importance for the test. For example, he could offer comments of positive praise, such as Great effort Rachel or Nice try on that problem Jesse. Youll get it next time if you keep working hard. As a result, students will be more motivated to learn the information, which in turn will result in the excellent grades Mr. Little desires.
Discussion
Developing a growth mind set in students will facilitate the transfer of effort and understanding to other experiences. By promoting mastery goals, students will develop a low road transfer that will allow them to automatize their retrieval of knowledge and use of skills. When students have mastery goals, they focus on the processes and strategies that allowed them to develop and improve their skills. These students are internally motivated to expend effort, persist, and move toward self-regulation that can be applicable in many situations (Schunk, p. 376). Therefore, emphasizing effort and learning will facilitate far transfer because students will be able to utilize this work ethic and mind set in situations much different than Mr. Littles classroom. Since intrinsic motivation has long lasting positive benefits (Schunk, p. 391), Mr. Little can not only facilitate the success of the students in his classroom, but also in their future endeavors.
As part of his constructivist classroom, Mr. Little should incorporate authentic assessment instead of traditional assessment in order to facilitate proper motivation. Although this assessment is more time consuming, it will benefit the learner by showing them how the material will be useful in the future. An informal approach, such as wandering the classroom during group discussion, is spontaneous and unstructured, which allows it to be used in a variety of situations. This approach also allows the instructor to observe first hand whether or not the student is motivated by and learning from the activity. Mr. Little has already incorporated a form of formative assessment by testing students each week; however, he could further develop this approach by using to evaluate the students motivation and interest in the curriculum. By providing feedback on each students progress throughout the semester, students will be able to make adjustments, which will foster the increase and internalization of motivation. [[I think your discussion section is great - it gives me a good sense of the big picture. Maybe just keep an eye out here for repetition as well.]]
Follow-Up Conversation
On 05/09/12, Brianne Gohlke wrote:
Hi Sarah!
Thank you so much for all of your helpful comments! I really appreciate you taking the time to review my paper. I have a of question about your review, if you have time to respond.
We are required to do APA citation; however, the Schunk text is our text book that we reference often. Is it appropriate to do page numbers here since I am referencing various chapters? Or should I maintain the (Last name, Year) format?
Thank you again!
Brianne Gohlke
Hi Sarah!
Thank you so much for all of your helpful comments! I really appreciate you taking the time to review my paper. I have a of question about your review, if you have time to respond.
We are required to do APA citation; however, the Schunk text is our text book that we reference often. Is it appropriate to do page numbers here since I am referencing various chapters? Or should I maintain the (Last name, Year) format?
Thank you again!
Brianne Gohlke
On 05/10/12, Sarah Instructor wrote:
Hi Brianne,
That's a great question - I did a little research and I think I found the answer: since you are not using direct quotations, you do not need to include the page numbers. Instead, you just need the author and publication date. If you did decide to directly quote from a specific page, then you would include the author, publication date and page number. This should be helpful, and gives examples: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/02/
If you don't want to directly quote but feel uncomfortable using the same in-text citation all the way through, it might be a good idea to ask your professor or TA what they would prefer.
Hope that helps!
Sarah
Hi Brianne,
That's a great question - I did a little research and I think I found the answer: since you are not using direct quotations, you do not need to include the page numbers. Instead, you just need the author and publication date. If you did decide to directly quote from a specific page, then you would include the author, publication date and page number. This should be helpful, and gives examples: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/02/
If you don't want to directly quote but feel uncomfortable using the same in-text citation all the way through, it might be a good idea to ask your professor or TA what they would prefer.
Hope that helps!
Sarah
I'm here for you. Anytime. Seriously. |